A year ago today, one of the brightest stars faded.
A year ago today, I received a message and had to relay that message one hundred times over, and I still can’t believe it’s real. Tragic and untimely.
I don’t want to dwell on that though. I don’t want to focus on a year ago.
Following that Tuesday and the questions, the memorial services, the late nights, trying to live life but not really caring how I went about it, there was a dark period. ‘Dark period’ sounds cliche for a reason. Light doesn’t enter your pupils like it did before. Your time spent awake shifts from daylight, among the living, to the middle of the night, in a wavy dizzy way.
It was bad.
I want to focus on a year from that Tuesday.
Something helped pull me out of that time, and I have no doubt that it was the star himself. Suddenly, I felt as if I needed to make some changes. I needed to make some changes that time didn’t allow him.
I quit my job. I moved back home. I started back to school.
And in a way that I think no one else will really understand, Lee is the one who prompted that. These changes had been necessary for awhile, and something clicked, something changed, and I knew I had to do it.
So, after a year, I can find the positivity. People who were at odds with each other came together, my entire life changed, we’re all a little more sensitive to the needs of each other.
I can find the positivity, because rather than be sad, I celebrate him. I celebrate his life every day when I wake up to walk with the living during the day, when I pass an exam at school, when I play an event I could have only dreamed of being a part of a year ago. In living, we honor and celebrate him. Choosing to sit in the darkness does nothing. Laying down to join the dead does nothing. Living in celebration and honor of someone who is no longer with us does everything.